Amrutha in the rain

She was impossible. To remember, to survive with, to win against, to figure out, to be without, to forget. Nothing about her ever hit an equilibrium. Everything always bubbled about and frothed up, boiling, pounding, screaming, a tear here, a tear there, almost like a primal struggle, an instinctive response to survive. And she knew. She knew I had her every mole, every freckle, brow length, every dip, flip, tan line, and scar mapped in my head like the pathway to a pilgrimage. She knew every glance she thee my way would be a tease so cruel I’d be shaking on my insides, counting how many chances I’d let go of to redo everything I already did do to collect the pieces, and still end up standing exactly where I am now. She knew that around her, at my fingertips and in my head, there would always be a war. The salty breeze by the sea clings to my untameable hair, a whiff of everything I should let go of, everything I could let go of, everything I probably would not let go of. She would always pick the same jhumkas, each time blackened a little further than the last. Some days we spoke so much, it surprised me how many portions of my life I don’t care to think about until I need to share the stories with her. Some others, her leg on mine was enough, as she drooled her way to sleep on one side of the sofa and I worked on my laptop on the other. But on all days, the waves spoke to her, as she did to them, carrying in every ebb and flow an understanding only they could fathom. I would call out her name, in full always - my mouth liked the taste of it’s completeness, and in that brief moment she turns in response, my brain would register that that moment was mine - her name, my voice, her eyes, looking right at me. The skies are going to open up at any moment now, and the greys are blacks are all around me. And it hits me. That was it! She was my storm. And beneath those guileless, shiny, defeating eyes, she always always knew. ** You might enjoy looking at the pictures while listening to this number. Hit play. :)